


Lost in the Dark

by LibraryMage



Series: Break Your Chains [1]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Autistic Character, Autistic Ezra Bridger, Child Abuse, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-10-28 16:44:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10835247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibraryMage/pseuds/LibraryMage
Summary: By some twist of fate, Maul meets nine-year-old Ezra on Lothal.(general content warning for child abuse and canon-typical violence, but also heed the warnings at the beginning of each chapter)





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: reference to child abduction, an adult manipulating a child, reference to (canonical) character death

Ezra stayed close to the wall, taking care not to move too fast or too slow.  There were no shadows for him to hide in, but he’d long since figured out that if he stayed quiet, stayed on the sidelines, and focused on the people around him not noticing him, they usually didn’t.  As he got closer to his mark, his glanced around, looking for any sign that someone was watching, but just as he’d suspected, no one was paying him any attention.  His hand was in and out of the mark’s bag in the blink of an eye.

Just as he was about to walk away, he felt a chill settle over him, as if the wind had suddenly picked up.  But the air was still.  Ezra was suddenly overcome by a feeling that he was being watched, even though he knew that should be possible.  He looked up and his attention was drawn to a flicker of movement as someone turned a corner up ahead, and he felt certain _that_ was somehow the source of the cold.

Ezra shook his head and started walking.  In the few seconds he’d stood there, he’d already put himself in danger.  Even one second too long could easily get him caught.  Take what you’re after and _move_ , that’s how you get away with it.

As he diverted into an alley a good two blocks away from the scene of his crime, the nine-year-old actually looked at what he’d stolen.  He unfortunately hadn’t found any money, but what he _had_ found was just as good.  Three ration bars.  If he was careful, he might be able to make them last a week, maybe a little longer.

“That was impressive.”  Ezra jumped at the sound of a voice behind him.  “Especially for an untrained child.”

Ezra turned around to see someone blocking the way out of the alley.  A Zabrak with black tattoos covering his skin, who was watching Ezra with bright yellow eyes.  As those eyes met his, Ezra felt that same cold settle over him again.  In the two years Ezra had been on his own, he’d had to develop sharp survival instincts, but he didn’t need them to know this was a dangerous situation.  He took a step back, tearing his gaze away from the man who stood before him, his eyes darting around, looking for the best escape route.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, stalling for time.

“What you did,” the stranger said, his tone even and unthreatening, as if he were talking about the weather.  “Compelling the people around you to ignore you even though you were in plain sight.  A little more practice, and you might even have fooled me.”

Ezra’s eyes snapped back to the stranger.  How had he known that’s what Ezra had been doing?

“You don’t even realize it, do you?” he said, more making an observation to himself than asking Ezra a question.

“Realize what?” Ezra asked, his fear briefly overcome by curiosity.  He couldn’t explain it, but he had this…feeling that this man knew something he didn’t know -- something he _should_ know.

“What’s your name?” the stranger asked, apparently ignoring Ezra’s question.

“You first,” Ezra said, not wanting the stranger to think he was in control here, even though they both knew that he was.

Ezra saw a flash of something dark in those glowing yellow eyes before he spoke.

“For as long as I remember, I’ve been called Maul,” the Zabrak told him.

“Ezra,” the boy said.  He held back his last name, but his first was just common enough that he didn’t see the harm in using it.

“Do you know what the Force is, Ezra?” Maul asked.  Ezra shook his head.

“The Force runs through everything in the galaxy, binding it together,” he explained.  “There are some who can harness it, use it as a tool or a weapon.”

“Like you,” Ezra said.  He didn’t know how he knew, but he did.

“And like you,” Maul said.  Ezra shook his head again.

“I can’t --”

“Why else would people ignore you just because you want them to?” Maul asked, cutting him off.  “How do you think you were able to sense my presence when I saw you?  You might not know it, but you are strong with the Force and I can teach you to wield it.”

Ezra glared up at him with suspicion.  This complete stranger had cornered him in a dead-end alley and was now telling him he had special abilities and was offering to teach him.  Just how naïve did he think Ezra was?

“You don’t trust me,” Maul said, noting the look in Ezra’s eyes.

“I don’t _know_ you,” Ezra said.  “So thanks, but no thanks.”

Ezra started forward, meaning to push past Maul and make a run for the alley’s exit.  But before Ezra could get past him, Maul grabbed his arm lightly, not enough to hurt him, but just enough to get him to stop.  Ezra came to a halt, his heart suddenly beating faster as cold, gray fear welled up in his chest.  He knew, instinctively, that if he tried to run, Maul would only stop him again.

As Ezra froze, Maul considered for just a moment how easy it would be to simply take the boy.  He knew Ezra would resign himself to his fate eventually, and the more powerful he became, the more he would want to learn.  But he knew that an apprentice who came to him willingly would be that much easier to train.  So Maul would just have to convince him.

“My parents are probably wondering where I am by now,” Ezra said, trying to hold back the fear that threatened to creep into his voice.

“You don’t have parents,” Maul said, seeing right through Ezra’s lie.  “If you do, they certainly aren’t taking care of you.  If you come with me and let me teach you, at the very least you’ll have food and a place to sleep, and you’ll be safer with me than you would be alone on the streets."

Ezra had to admit, _that_ was actually tempting.  Not just the idea of food and shelter, but of having someone else to rely on so he wouldn’t always have to fend for himself.  But he knew if it sounded too good to be true, it probably was.

“Like I said before, no thanks,” Ezra said, pulling away from Maul’s loose grip and beginning to walk back toward the main road.

“And I can help you get vengeance for what happened to your parents,” Maul said, turning to face the boy as he walked away.

Ezra stopped in his tracks and turned around slowly.  Maul held back a smile.  He’d known this would be what would draw Ezra to him.  He could sense the boy’s anger, his fear, his pain, his desperate need for hope and guidance and some small shred of control over his life.  Control only Maul could help him get.

“If you learn to use your abilities,” Maul continued now that he had Ezra’s attention again, “ _really_ use them, you’ll be able to make whoever took them from you pay for what they did.”

“How do you know what happened to my parents?” Ezra asked, his voice suddenly quiet.

“The Force,” Maul said.  “I can feel the pain of your loss, your anger at the people who caused it.  As young as you are, out here on your own, your parents were the obvious conclusion.”

Ezra was silent for a moment, his gaze fixed on the corner where the ground met the wall of one of the buildings that framed the alley.  Maul waited until finally, Ezra spoke.

“They were killed two years ago,” he said.

“And there was never justice for them, was there?” Maul said.  He didn’t need to wait for an answer.  “One day, you’ll be able to change that, Ezra.  And I can help you.”

Ezra shook his head.  “You can’t,” he said, bitter hopelessness in his voice.  “It was the Empire that killed them.  There’s no way to get justice for that.”

“There is for people like you,” Maul told him.  “For people like us.  Even the Empire can be defeated by someone strong enough."

Ezra kept staring at the ground, thinking over Maul’s words.  It went against everything he knew to be true to think that anyone could fight back against the Empire.  His parents had tried, and they’d been killed for it.  But if what Maul was saying was true -- and somewhere deep inside, Ezra knew it was -- then he had powers his parents didn’t, and that might just make a difference.  And even if he couldn’t bring down the Empire completely -- and he knew he couldn’t, no one could -- he could still do more than most people.  He could avenge his parents, and maybe even stop at least a few other people from losing theirs.

Ezra looked up and saw a smile on Maul’s face, as if he already knew what Ezra’s answer would be.

“Okay,” Ezra said, his voice shaking a little under the weight of the decision he was making.  “If you can teach me, I’ll go with you.”

“You’re making the right choice, Ezra,” Maul said, purposefully letting a hint of pride slip into his voice.  He saw the smallest hint of a smile twitch across the boy’s face, the exact reaction he’d been expecting.

“It won't be easy,” he said.  “Your training will push you to your limits and beyond them.  But you’re strong enough to handle that, aren’t you?”

“I am,” Ezra said, defiant pride in his voice.  Maul smiled.  It was almost too easy.

“Then come with me, my apprentice.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings in this chapter for: child abuse, injury to a child, and mental manipulation

The red blade left a glowing trail in Maul’s vision as he watched Ezra practicing with his lightsaber.  It had only been a year since Ezra had first come to him, but the boy was progressing quickly.  He was a fast learner and his connection to the Force was strong.  He wasn’t a natural with a blade by any means, but he was more than capable of learning.

More importantly, he _wanted_ to learn.  Desperately.  His need to master his abilities made him throw himself into everything Maul taught him.  And though Ezra had never said a word about it, Maul could sense Ezra’s need to please his master, to prove that he was worth the time and effort Maul put into teach him.  To make someone proud of him.  Which made perfect sense.  After two years on his own, Ezra was starved for affection, and that just made him easier to train.  In that way, Ezra was very similar to how Maul himself had been at that age.  The moment that thought entered his head, Maul shoved it aside.

Ezra’s hatred for the Empire drove him to do better, made him throw himself into his training with more and more ferocity the stronger it grew.  And Maul made sure it grew.  Every time Ezra faltered or hesitated, every time he questioned something Maul told him about the Force, the power of the dark side, the need to defeat his enemies by any means necessary, Maul would remind the boy of what had happened to his parents, of the years he’d been forced to fend for himself, of the countless other people who suffered under the Empire.  He made sure that anger was always there, always something Ezra could reach for when he needed it.

And lying beneath all of that was Ezra’s fear.  The boy was afraid of being abandoned again, and that fear kept him from making mistakes or challenging his master, and more importantly, it was the foundation his rage and pain were built on.  Sometimes, though not often, Maul wished there was another way to help Ezra grow stronger, remembering the fear and pain he’d grown up with.  But that fear, that anger, that pain was the source of his power, and it was the source of Ezra’s, too.

As Ezra stopped to catch his breath, Maul took a step toward him.

“You’re doing well,” he said.  “I think you’re ready to take on a real opponent.”

Ezra looked up at him in surprise.

Maul smiled.  “If you’re not,” he said, taking his own saber in his hand, “then we’re about to find out.  Ready position.”

Ezra nodded and took a step back, reigniting his lightsaber and holding it up.  He watched his master for any small movement, any twitch of his muscles, a change in the direction he was looking, anything that would hint at how he was going to attack.  In a fight against a bigger and more experienced opponent, Ezra knew he needed every advantage he could find, no matter how small.

Maul moved quickly, igniting one blade of his lightsaber and bringing it down in one swift motion.  Ezra was only just able to stop the blow that would have cut into his left shoulder.  Maul ignited his saber’s second blade as he broke off his attack and struck again.  As their sabers crashed together, Ezra took a step back, trying to break away first and get past Maul’s defenses.  But Maul was ready for his attack and deflected it, his lightsaber slashing across Ezra’s right arm, leaving a shallow, burning cut just above his elbow.  Ezra gritted his teeth, trying not to cry out even as his other hand moved instinctively to the wound.

“Keep your blade up,” Maul said, ignoring his pain.  “Don’t let your pain distract you.”

Ezra moved just fast enough to deflect Maul’s next attack, stopping one of the red blades a few inches away from his chest, only for Maul to break off and launch into another swift attack.  Ezra dodged the blow, the injury to his right arm slowing him down too much to block it.  Ezra knew his master was holding back, trying to go easy on him, but still he was forced onto defense, dodging and deflecting each hit, but unable to even try to land any of his own.

Ezra blocked a strike at his side only for Maul to change the direction of the attack and bring his lightsaber down, the two blades slicing through the air over Ezra’s head.  He ducked out of the way and took another step back just in time.  He realized too late exactly what his master was doing.  He’d kept driving Ezra backwards until he was nearly against the wall and had no more room to move.  As this realization hit him, Ezra instinctively looked back over his shoulder to see how much farther he had left.  A mistake.  Maul took advantage of Ezra’s distraction to knock Ezra’s blade right out of his hand.

Just as Ezra saw his lightsaber hit the floor, Maul attacked again and Ezra was forced to take another step back, losing even more ground, as he dodged the blow.  He reached out through the Force, trying to pull his lightsaber back toward him, but he lost his focus as one of Maul’s blades was thrust toward his shoulder.  Ezra took another step back, only to find himself against the wall.  Maul took a step toward him and Ezra _shoved_ through the Force, trying to push his master back away from him.  It had almost no effect.  Ezra knew this fight was over and he had lost.

“You’re not even going to _try_ to fight back?” Maul growled.  He brought his saber down and the weapon would have slashed across Ezra’s chest if he hadn’t thrown himself to one side.

“I can’t!” Ezra said, panic rising in his chest as he realized he had just trapped himself in a corner.  Maul raised his weapon again and Ezra backed himself as far into the corner as he could, his heart hammering like it wanted to burst out of his chest.  No matter what else Maul had done to him, he’d never thought his master would kill him.  But now…

“Please,” Ezra said, his voice shaking.  “Pl--”

Something tightened around Ezra’s throat, cutting off his words as he was lifted off the ground.  He instinctively gasped for air, but knew none would come.

“Begging will get you nowhere,” Maul hissed.  He pushed out with one hand and Ezra was slammed backward against the wall, the grip on his throat still tight.  “If you want to survive, you have to _fight back_.”

“Can’t,” Ezra gasped, barely able to get the word out.  “Master, I --”  He was pulled away from the wall just a few inches and slammed backwards again.  Maul stepped forward, his lightsaber pointed at Ezra’s chest, just inches over his heart.

“If you can't even fight me, you will _never_ be strong enough to defeat a true Sith,” Maul said.  “Maybe I was wrong about you, Ezra.  Maybe you weren’t meant to be my apprentice.”

Ezra felt the rage inside of him building up like a chain reaction, clawing at the inside of his chest, overtaking his fear and drowning it out.  Instinct took over and he reached out through the Force.  His lightsaber flew toward him, the blade activating as it moved through the air.  Maul was forced to drop Ezra and dodge to the side to avoid the blade.  Ezra caught his weapon in one hand and leapt toward his master.  Maul blocked Ezra’s attack easily.  He suddenly twisted his lightsaber to one side, wrenching Ezra’s weapon out of his grip, disarming him a second time.  Ezra reached for it, only for Maul’s blades to disappear as he switched his own weapon off.

It was really over, and Ezra had still lost.

The rush of adrenaline that had given him the strength to attack Maul was wearing off quickly and Ezra was now shaking so badly he could barely stand.  He braced himself against the wall, trying to steady himself, but quickly dropped to his knees, unable to keep himself up.  Tears stung at his eyes as pain radiated from where he’d been thrown against the wall.  His anger and fear still tore at him from the inside, crashing together like a storm inside of his head.

“You did well for your first real fight,” Maul said.  Ezra looked up at his master, confusion now added to the whirlwind of emotion inside of him, though he couldn’t form the words to express it.

“Yes, you lost,” Maul said.  He was used to Ezra not being able to speak when his emotions ran too strong, but he was usually able to intuit what Ezra was feeling and thinking, which Ezra was always grateful for.  “But you’re new at this.  You’re still learning.”

Maul reached out and put one hand against Ezra’s face, brushing some of his tears away.  The uncharacteristically gentle touch comforted the ten-year-old in one way but set him on edge in another.  The brief touch was gone in a second and Maul gripped Ezra’s arm, pulling him to his feet.  Ezra was unsteady for a moment, but managed to keep himself standing when his master let go.

“Do you know what your mistake was?” Maul asked him.  Ezra nodded.  Still not quite able to form the words, he glanced back over his shoulder at the wall.

“Letting yourself be distracted was one of them,” Maul said.  “So was forgetting your surroundings.  The other was holding back.”

Ezra still couldn’t speak, but Maul could feel his mental protest.

“We both know you were,” Maul said.  “I wouldn’t have been able to defeat you so easily if you gave into your anger instead of fighting to contain it.  Your anger gives you strength.  You should know that by now.”

Ezra _did_ know that.  It was one of the first things Maul had taught him, and he repeated it so often Ezra couldn’t even think the words without hearing them in his master’s voice.  But still he kept finding himself hesitating to reach for his anger and use it even when he knew he needed to, and he didn’t understand why.

“It’s alright, Ezra,” Maul said, seeing the apologetic look in Ezra’s eyes and sensing his shame.  “You’re just going to have to do better next time.”

“I will, Master,” Ezra managed to say.  And he knew he would.  He had to.  Not just for his master, but for himself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: references to abuse, minor violence to a child

The target was on Arkanis.  All Ezra had was a name and a rough location.  He didn’t know who this person was or why his master had chosen them for this, but he hadn’t questioned it.  He knew he wouldn’t get a real answer, and he’d likely get a painful reminder that he shouldn't ask too many questions. It didn’t really matter, anyway.  His master had given him a mission and he would complete it, no matter what it was.

Ezra knew it was a test.  A chance for Maul to see how well Ezra, now almost fourteen years old, could operate on his own without his master to guide him every step of the way.  And Ezra was determined to do well.  He’d leave no doubt in his master’s mind that he was worth every moment Maul had spent training him, that he was worthy of all the knowledge of the Force that had been passed on to him.

“I won't fail you, Master,” he’d said just moments before he’d left.  He knew Maul would hold him to that.  And he would hold himself to it, too.

* * *

 

It was raining on Arkanis.  Kanan had never been to the planet before, but from what he’d heard, it was _always_ raining on Arkanis.  Today, water fell from the sky in sheets, rather than the everyday light rain.  It wasn’t the type of weather any member of his crew actually liked, but today, they were all thankful for it.  The few people who were actually out in the downpour kept their heads down and moved fast, not paying any attention to Kanan, Zeb, and Sabine as they wandered through the streets.  Even the stormtroopers they passed weren’t going to go out of their way to stop them unless they actually did something to warrant it.

Arkanis was home to the Imperial officer’s academy.  And the academy was the home of a classified project which identified and monitored cadets throughout all the Outer Rim training facilities who might hold anti-Imperial sentiments or be sympathetic to the rebel groups scattered across the galaxy.  Six weeks ago, that list had been stolen and passed along to Fulcrum.  The one problem was that the data was coded and they only knew of two people who could crack the code: the person who maintained the database and the contact they were meeting now.  They were trading a small shipment of blasters in exchange for the key to the code.  They’d stolen the weapons themselves a month ago, and Hera had said to hold off on selling them, as if she’d known there would be a use for them soon enough.

They made their way to the warehouse on the edge of the city without incident.  Once they were inside, Sabine and Zeb sighed in relief, glad to finally be out of the rain.  Their contact, whose name they had never learned, and who would never learn their names, hadn’t arrived yet.  As they waited, Kanan felt something, some kind of nervous energy, building up in his chest.  He looked around, narrowing his eyes as he stared into the dark corners of the warehouse, but he saw nothing.  He didn’t even know what he was looking for.

“What is it?” Zeb asked, seeing Kanan’s worried look.

“I don’t know,” Kanan said, more to himself than to his teammate.  “Something’s not right.”

He looked around, growing suddenly uncomfortable with the darkness that surrounded them.  He couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something or someone watching them.  The door opened and it was all Kanan could do not to jump out of his skin.  Zeb and Sabine both noticed and shot him concerned looks.

Their contact, a human woman who appeared to be a few years older than Kanan, entered the warehouse.  Kanan stepped forward, scrambling to collect his scattered thoughts fast enough to take charge of the situation.

“You’d be Fulcrum’s contact,” he said.

“I would,” the woman said.  She glanced at Sabine and Zeb.  “Brought the kids along, I see.”  She shrugged at their collective lack of a response.

“You bring the shipment?”

“You bring the data?” Kanan asked, his mind only half-focused on the words he was saying.  That uneasy feeling was still there and it was growing with every second.

Before either of them could say another word, Kanan heard a  _snap-hiss_  from behind him and a burning red light cut through the darkness.

“Get down!” he shouted.  He didn’t bother to see if Sabine and Zeb had listened, knowing they would.  He turned on his heel just in time to see a black-clad figure emerge from the shadows, the red glow of a lightsaber illuminating his face.  He ran past Kanan, charging straight for the woman who’d just entered.  She drew a blaster and fired three rounds only for them to be deflected by the red blade.

An instinct that Kanan had fought for years to keep dormant awoke in an instant.  He reached out through the Force, stopping the man in his tracks, holding him in place.  No, he realized as he finally got a good look at the attacker’s face.  Not a man, a boy.  He couldn’t even be Sabine’s age.

Kanan felt something slam into him through the Force, knocking him back and forcing him to release his hold on the boy, who immediately turned back to his intended victim.

“No!” Kanan shouted.  He leapt forward, drawing his lightsaber and activating the glowing blue blade for the first time in years.  He threw himself between the boy and his target, stopping the red blade’s swift descent through the air.  The boy’s eyes widened slightly at the sight of the weapon as he realized just what Kanan was.

“Get out of my way and I won't hurt you,” the boy said.

“That’s not gonna happen, kid,” Kanan said.

The boy disengaged his attack and struck again, thrusting his lightsaber toward Kanan’s chest.  Kanan deflected the blow, driving the boy back a couple of steps.

“Get her out of here!” he shouted to Sabine and Zeb.  “Meet back at the ship!”  He heard the door slam open behind him as they made their escape, Kanan blocking the boy’s path to the exit.

“You don’t have to do this,” Kanan said, keeping his eyes not on the boy, but on the red blade.  “You can walk away right now and I’ll pretend this never happened.”

The boy ignored Kanan’s words and attacked again, his saber slashing in an arc through the air toward Kanan’s neck.  Kanan blocked the sword with his own and pushed through the Force, intending to throw the boy back toward the far side of the room.  The boy resisted his attack and Kanan only succeeded in knocking him back a few feet.

“I won't fail my master,” the boy said.  “I can't.”

Kanan could just see the flash of fear in the boy’s eyes.  He was hiding it well, but it was there.

“Listen, kid,” he said, not fully understanding why he thought he could talk the boy down or why he thought he should even try.  “Killing someone isn’t easy.  You can't come back from that.”

“You really think this is my first kill?” the boy growled.  He brought his saber down and the blade slashed across Kanan’s upper arm.

The boy tried to take advantage of Kanan’s distraction to push past him and run after the others.  Kanan once again reached through the Force, slamming the doors and holding them shut.

“They’re gone by now,” he said.  “It’s over.”

The boy turned and lunged at him, his lightsaber slashing toward Kanan’s chest.  Kanan deflected the blow, pushing the boy to the side.  As soon as he was out of the way, Kanan ran for the door.

There was no sign of Sabine, Zeb, or their contact, but Kanan wasn’t worried.  He knew Sabine and Zeb would get back to the  _Ghost_  on their own.  He spared one final look back at the warehouse before he ran in the direction of the ship.

* * *

 

Ezra quickly picked himself up off the ground and ran for the door.  When he opened it, there was no sign of his target or the man --  _the Jedi?_ \-- who’d stopped him.  He shut his eyes and reached out with his mind, trying to feel the presence of his target.  But she was long gone, lost in a sea of other sentients, their collective presence almost overwhelming as he frantically searched for one being among thousands.  He shifted his focus, searching for the Jedi.  He might be a potential lead to his target’s location, and the Force signature of a Jedi Knight should be much easier to track.  But he, too, had disappeared.

Ezra tried to push down the fear and dread building in his chest as he realized he had failed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning for: child abuse, mention of broken bones, abuse victim blaming themselves for abuse

The  _Ghost’s_  engines began firing up the moment Kanan ran up the ramp.  As the hatch closed behind him and the ship took off, Kanan scaled the ladder and headed toward the cockpit just as Sabine and Zeb were leaving it.

Hera glanced over her shoulder for a moment, then turned her attention back to the sky.

Chopper whirred some comment at him.  Kanan couldn’t understand everything he said, but he was pretty sure the droid was scolding him for the mission going wrong or making fun of him.  Knowing Chopper, it was probably both.

“Please tell me we at least got what we were after,” he said.

Hera nodded.  “Chopper’s holding on to it,” she said.  “Want to tell me what happened?”

“There was someone else there,” Kanan said.  “He was trying to kill our contact.  He was Force sensitive.  And he had training.”

“Another Jedi?” Hera asked.  Kanan shook his head.

“Too young to be a survivor,” Kanan said.  “And he was…I can't really explain it.  It’s like I could feel the darkness inside him.  Like it was alive.”

“A Sith, then,” Hera said, her voice suddenly worried.  If this was another thing they had to worry about…

“I don’t know,” Kanan said before the thought could fully form in Hera’s mind.  He sat in the co-pilot’s seat beside his friend, running through every moment of the fight in his mind.  Something didn’t feel right, like a puzzle he couldn’t figure out how to solve.

“Guess you were right,” Hera said, gesturing toward the weapon on Kanan’s belt.  She’d been surprised to see him carrying it when the three of them had left, and when she’d commented on it, all he’d been able to tell her was that he had a feeling he was going to need it.

“Yeah,” he said, barely hearing her, his mind and his voice both somewhere far away.

“What is it?” Hera asked.  She could practically see the gears spinning and the conflicting thoughts crashing together in Kanan’s head.

“It’s that kid,” he muttered, just as much to himself as to Hera.  “There’s just…I don’t know.  There’s something about him and I can’t really explain it.”

Kanan leaned forward a little, his hands braced on his knees as he stared at the floor, his eyes unfocused.

“He may be a Sith, or whatever he is,” Kanan said, “but I don’t think he’s really…I don’t know, one of them.  Not yet, anyway.”  He glanced up at Hera.  “Does that even make sense?”

“Barely,” she said.  “And only because this is me you're talking to.”

“He was scared, Hera,” Kanan said.  “He was hiding it really well, but whoever his master is, he’s afraid of them.  I think…I think it isn’t too late for him if someone helps him soon.”

“Are you sure he wants to be helped?” Hera asked skeptically.  Maybe Kanan was right, and whoever this kid was, he was scared and in trouble, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t dangerous.

“Maybe he doesn’t want it, but he needs it,” Kanan said.  “He’s just a kid.  If you'd been there -- if you’d seen what I saw --”

Hera reached over and covered one of Kanan’s hands with her own.  He stopped talking and looked up, his eyes meeting hers.

“I trust you,” she said.  “I trust your judgement.  Whatever you decide to do, I’ll have your back.  You know that.”

Kanan did know that.  In the years they had known each other, he and Hera had always had each other’s backs.  Still, as thankful as he was to have the support of his best friend, some small part of him almost wanted her to talk him out of this.  He couldn't help but wonder if he was about to put his whole crew in danger.

* * *

 

Ezra steeled himself, trying to keep his anxiety under control as he knelt in front of his master.  After his encounter with the Jedi, he’d remained on Arkanis for another week, desperately searching for the target he’d been sent after.  But he’d found no sign of her.  Finally, he’d had to accept that his prey had gone to ground, that he had failed, and that he had to go back and face his master, no matter how afraid he was.

As Ezra told his master exactly what had happened, he could feel Maul’s anger growing, though he wasn’t sure if it was directed at him or not.

“This is disappointing,” Maul said, pacing back and forth in front of him.  The words hit Ezra like a punch to the gut.  His master had trusted him and Ezra had let him down.  After everything Maul had done for him, Ezra couldn’t accomplish this one simple task on his own.

“Not only did you fail to complete your mission,” Maul said, his voice like ice, “but you let this Jedi defeat you so easily.”

“I'm sorry, Master,” Ezra said, unable to keep a small tremor out of his voice.  “Please forgive me.”   _Please don’t give up on me,_  he felt more than thought.

Maul stopped in front of him.

“Look at me, Ezra,” Maul said.  Ezra raised his gaze from the floor to look up at his master.

“If you can't even kill one Jedi, how do you expect to be able to help me destroy the Sith?” he asked.

Ezra said nothing.  Deep down, some small part of him thought that that wasn’t fair.  He was still learning.  But he knew better than to say that or even let himself think it.  Besides, he knew his master was right.  Apprentice or not, Ezra knew he should have been able to do better.

Ezra had been expecting the hit to his face, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.  In less than a second, Ezra doubled over in pain as Maul kicked him in the stomach.  Ezra bit down on the inside of his lip, forcing himself not to react any more than he already had.  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried when his master struck him, it had been so long ago, but he knew tears didn’t help and usually only made things worse.

“I can't let this go unpunished, Ezra,” Maul told him.  Ezra bowed his head as shame burned in his chest.

“I know,” he said quietly.  He braced himself and forced himself not to react as Maul struck again.

* * *

 

Ezra lay on the side of his body that was slightly less bruised than the other.  He couldn’t say for how long the beating had gone on, only that it was brutal, but certainly not the worst he’d ever gotten.  He’d been lucky this time, in two ways.  First, his master had stuck to using his fists.  That didn’t always happen.  Second, none of his bones seemed to be broken.  Still, it was bad, and afterwards, Ezra had stumbled to the room where he slept and locked himself inside.

Even as he resented the pain he was in, Ezra knew he’d earned it.  He knew he deserved even worse, but for some inexplicable reason, his master had decided to go easy on him this time.  Ezra almost wished he hadn’t.

Ezra could feel his master approaching and dragged himself up, half his body aching as he did so.  He managed to get himself up onto one knee just before the door slid open.

Ezra said nothing, waiting for his master to speak first.

“What exactly have you learned from this?” Maul asked him.

“I have to do better,” Ezra said.  “My next opponent could choose to kill me and I -- I _know_ I’m strong enough to defend myself.  I can’t keep holding back.”

“You can come back from this, Ezra,” Maul told him, just the slightest hint of warmth in his voice.  “You can make up for your failure on Arkanis.”

Ezra remained silent as he waited for his master to continue.

“Find the Jedi,” Maul said, “wherever he’s hiding, and kill him.”

Ezra’s heart skipped a beat, though he wasn’t sure why.  He was relieved and a little proud that his master trusted him with this, even though he wasn’t convinced he deserved another chance after he’d let Maul down.  Still, some instinct deep inside recoiled at the thought of following through on this mission.

“Yes, Master,” he said, trying his best to keep any hint of the conflict in his head out of his voice.  “I won't fail you again.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: references to child abuse, death (unnamed character)

For months, Ezra had been searching the Outer Rim, looking for any sign that someone knew something about a Jedi who worked with a Lasat and a Mandalorian.  He would have thought it wouldn’t be too hard to at least pick up some whispers, but clearly this Jedi was good at covering his tracks.

Every few weeks, Ezra returned home to report back to his master, who, in spite of giving Ezra another chance, was keeping him on a tighter leash since Arkanis.  The first few times, Maul had simply told him to continue his search.  But as time went on and Ezra continued to come up with no leads, punishments began to follow.  Ezra had no idea what would happen if Maul decided he’d been given enough time.  Would he abandon Ezra once he realized all those years training him were a waste of time?  Or would he just kill him?

It was six months until his efforts finally paid off.  His search had led him back to Arkanis, where he learned of a rebel cell operating in the Outer Rim that was rumored to be led by a Jedi.  It was a small lead, but it was all he had, and it was better than nothing.

Later that same night, he followed an Imperial agent, dragging the unsuspecting man into an alley and pinning him against the wall.

“I know there’s a rebel cell led by a Jedi,” Ezra said.  “Where are they based?”

“I don’t know what you're talking about,” the man said.

“If you tell me now, I won't kill you,” Ezra said.  “If you don’t, I'm sure I can find someone who will.”

He ignited his lightsaber and held the red blade up to the man’s throat.

“Last chance,” he growled.

“Lothal,” the man said, his voice shaking as he was faced with the prospect of his imminent death.  “We  _think_  they're on --”

Before the man could even finish the sentence, Ezra had lowered his weapon and snapped the man’s neck.

Lothal.  In the five years since he’d become Maul’s apprentice, Ezra had never gone back to the planet of his birth.  In the past few years, he’d barely even thought about the place.  But now he found himself experiencing something he wasn’t quite sure how to name anymore, a dull ache in his chest, something calling to him, pulling him toward Lothal.  Longing, he realized.  He thought he’d locked those feelings away years ago, but for just a moment, he missed it.

* * *

 

Ezra stuck to the shadows as he tracked the Jedi and his crew.  He knew he couldn’t afford to wait too long, but he wanted to learn their habits and movements so he could find the best time to strike.

They usually moved in groups of at least two, probably thinking there would be safety in numbers.  But sometimes the Jedi or the Twi’lek pilot would go off alone.  That would be the best time, Ezra reasoned.  When the Jedi was on his own without backup.  It would also mean the rest of his crew was out of the way and wouldn’t get hurt.  As soon as the thought crossed his mind, Ezra violently shoved it away.  He knew what his master would tell him.  They were acceptable collateral damage.  Ezra didn’t know why he ever would have thought otherwise.

 _Being this close to home must be messing with my head,_  he thought.  He suddenly found himself wondering why he was thinking of Lothal as “home” again, and when he had even stopped in the first place.

* * *

 

It was on his third day on Lothal that Ezra saw his chance.  The Jedi left the ship alone that night.  Ezra tracked him as he made his way into the city and left something that Ezra didn’t bother to investigate at a location that was clearly a dead drop.  Once they had reached the outer edge of the city, Ezra still keeping out of sight, the Jedi stopped in his tracks.

“Might as well come out,” he said.  “I know you're there.”

Ezra hesitated for a second as he weighed his options.  The Jedi just waited patiently.  Finally, Ezra stepped out of the shadows he’d been hiding in.

“I remember you,” the Jedi said when he saw Ezra.

“Then you know what's about to happen,” Ezra said.  His lightsaber was in his hand in a second, but he didn’t ignite the blade, like something was holding him back.

The Jedi didn’t seem to react, but Ezra felt something, almost like a quiet sigh through the Force.

“What's your name, kid?” the Jedi asked him.

“Does that really matter?” Ezra said.  The Jedi’s question and his calm demeanor were making him nervous.

“If you're gonna kill me, what's the harm?” the Jedi asked.

“Ezra.”  As he said it, he reached out through the Force, feeling for any sign of someone else nearby.  The Jedi could easily be trying to get him talking to buy time for help to arrive.

“Kanan,” the Jedi said.

“Do you think knowing your name will stop me from kill you?” Ezra asked.

“I don’t think  _that’s_  what’s gonna stop you,” Kanan said.

“Then what is?” Ezra asked, a sarcastic edge to his voice.

“Probably the fact that you don’t want to,” Kanan said.

“Shows what you know.”

“Then why haven't you done it yet?” Kanan asked.  “You’ve had plenty of chances.  You could’ve snuck up on me before I realized you were following me.  And you must’ve noticed by now I’m not armed.”

Ezra didn’t know what to say to that.

“Ezra, you don’t want to do this,” Kanan said.  “So don’t.”

“You don’t know me,” Ezra growled, anger flaring in his chest.

“Maybe not, but I know someone who wants to kill usually just does it.”

Ezra had no response to that.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want to kill the Jedi.  He did.  He wanted to kill him and prove to his master that he _was_ strong enough to defeat a Jedi and he _was_ worthy of standing by his master’s side as they destroyed the Sith.  And somewhere, on some level, in the dark parts of his heart that his master had spent years pushing him toward, Ezra just wanted to kill him.  He wanted a fight against a worthy opponent.  He wanted the rush of power that came with ending a life.  He wanted the satisfaction of knowing he’d killed a _Jedi_ , one of the few still left in the galaxy.  His master’s downfall had begun with the Jedi, and Ezra felt that thirst for vengeance like it was his own.

But he was a rebel.  He was fighting to destroy the Empire, the Sith, the same people who’d ripped apart the galaxy and Ezra’s life along with it.  Decades ago, they may have been enemies, but now they had the same goal.

“Doesn’t matter what I want,” Ezra said.  “I have to.  If I don’t, he’ll --” Ezra’s voice faded.  He didn’t know _what_ his master would do if he chose to spare the Jedi’s life.

“Your master,” Kanan said, correctly guessing the cause of Ezra’s sudden spike of fear.  “Kid, you don’t have to do this.  You can walk away.”

Ezra said nothing.  He knew what he had to do, so why couldn’t he make himself do it?

“Years ago, you might’ve been a Jedi,” Kanan said.  “It’s not too late for that.  I can help you, teach you to use your gift to help people instead of hurting them.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ezra said.  “My master took me in when I had nowhere else to go.  I can't just walk away.”

“Do you really want to go back to your master and just be a weapon for him to use when he needs you?” Kanan asked.  “Just a tool in his arsenal?  You can be more than that, Ezra.  You _know_ you can.”

“I already am,” Ezra growled, a rush of fury flooding through him.  Kanan was wrong.  He was _not_ just a weapon.  He was a warrior, a survivor.  He was the heir to his master’s power.  And one day, he and his master would destroy Sidious and Vader and finally, after so many years, they would both have their revenge.

Ezra felt that quiet sigh again, that sinking feeling of resignation, even though there was no sound.

“If you ever have second thoughts,” Kanan said, “I have a feeling you’ll be able to find me.”

Ezra watched as Kanan turned and walked away.  His eyes fell to the lightsaber still clutched in his hand.  His vision blurred and he felt something tighten in his chest as he realized what had just happened.  He hadn’t even tried to do what he’d been sent here to do.

For just a moment, he considered going after Kanan.  What he planned to do once he caught up with him, he wasn’t sure.  But by the time his vision cleared and he looked up, Kanan was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: child abuse, torture of a child, self-injury, eye trauma (blunt force), joint trauma, abuse victim blaming themselves for abuse

Ezra cried out in pain as cold metal touched the back of his neck, sending an electric shock tearing through his body.  Every inch of his skin felt like it was on fire or being ripped apart.  He gasped as the shock ended and fought back the tears that were beginning to form in his eyes on reflex.

“I'm sure you have an explanation for why the Jedi is still alive,” Maul said.

Ezra nodded, struggling to form the words as he gasped through the pain.  Not long after his encounter with Kanan, Ezra had received orders to return home.  He’d had a sinking feeling that his master already knew he’d failed to kill Kanan.  He knew he wouldn’t be let off easy, but he didn’t dare disobey.  When Ezra returned, Maul had been waiting for him.

“I tried, Master,” Ezra managed to choke out through the pain.  “I tried.”

Before leaving Lothal, Ezra had come up with a plan.  He knew if he admitted that he hadn’t even tried to kill the Jedi, he would face the full force of his master’s wrath, and he might not survive it.  If Maul thought he had tried and failed, he would still be punished, but not as severely.  He hoped.  So he’d done his best to make it look like he had fought and lost.  He’d managed to give himself a black eye and open up a cut on his forehead.  He’d twisted his left wrist and slammed it against the ground, trying to form even a small fracture.  He didn’t think he’d succeeded, but it was still heavily bruised.  Finally, he’d ignited the blade of his lightsaber and slashed it across his side, leaving a shallow but still painful wound.  All to help him lie to his master.

“He overpowered me,” Ezra said.  “I'm sorry, Master, I --”

He bit back a shout of pain as another shock ripped through him.  Maul circled around in front of him and Ezra felt a hand seize his throat just under his chin, forcing him to look up.

“Do you really think you can lie to me?” Maul hissed.

“I'm not,” Ezra said, desperately trying to avoid looking into his master’s eyes.  “I'm not lying.”

The grip around Ezra’s neck tightened for a moment before Maul released him.  Ezra gasped as air reentered his lungs.

The short-lived relief was ended by a powerful slap to the face.  Maul grabbed Ezra’s arm and hauled him off the ground before punching him in the gut and throwing him back to the floor.  Ezra barely had time to get his breath back before Maul pressed the stun baton to his side and another shock came, tearing a small scream from his lungs before he could hold it back.

“Tell me the truth, Ezra,” Maul said, his voice calm even as Ezra felt his anger and disappointment radiating from him like heat.  “What really happened?”

Ezra didn’t say anything.  He couldn’t.  He tried, but the words wouldn’t come.  He saw the stunner in Maul's hand twitch toward him and jerked backward, catching himself on his hands before he fell flat on his back.

“I -- I don’t know what happened,” Ezra said.  “I couldn’t do it.  I didn’t --” his voice dropped almost to a whisper and the words caught in his throat.  “I didn’t even try.”

“And your injuries?”

“I did it to myself,” Ezra said.

“Why?”  Ezra said nothing.  He knew that Maul already knew the answer.

Ezra’s silence was met with another slap to the face.

“So you would believe me,” Ezra said, the words tumbling out the moment Maul struck him.

Maul began to pace, circling his apprentice, who stayed perfectly still, too afraid to move even an inch.

“Not only did you disobey me,” he said, his eyes fixed on Ezra, “but you planned to hide it from me.”

“Yes, Master,” Ezra said, his voice barely audible.

“What aren’t you telling me?” Maul asked.

 _Nothing,_ Ezra wanted to say.  Before he could even open his mouth to speak, he felt something press against his shoulder and another shock hit him.  It was shorter and not as intense as the others, but it still left Ezra lying on the floor, shaking.

“Make sure you don’t lie to me this time,” Maul said.

Ezra slowly dragged himself up, back onto his knees.  He wasn’t sure he’d be able to stand, and he knew he wouldn’t be allowed to, anyway.

“He told me I could -- he tried to convince me to leave and go with him,” Ezra said.  “He said before, I would have been a Jedi.  He offered to -- to train me.”

“And you actually considered it,” Maul said.

“No!” Ezra said frantically, silently praying that his master would believe him.  It was even the truth this time.  “Master, I wouldn’t, I swear.”

He froze, his voice dying in his throat, under his master’s furious gaze.  He shrank back from the rage in his eyes and waited silently for his master to speak again.  He knew he shouldn’t say anything, shouldn’t make this worse for himself, but as Maul paced around him, Ezra's fear grew until he couldn't hold back the question burning in his mind.

“Are you going to kill me?” he asked.  Maul stopped beside Ezra and put a hand on the boy’s shoulder.  Ezra wanted to let himself be comforted by it, but his heart still pounded in his chest as he waited for his master’s answer.

“I would never do that,” he said.  His grip on Ezra’s shoulder tightened for a moment, a silent reassurance, and Ezra let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

Just seconds after Maul released his grip on Ezra, the boy felt the stunner touch his back and barely had a chance to brace himself for the shock that followed.  As he doubled over, he felt something heavy slam against his back as Maul kicked the center of his spine, sending him falling to the floor.

“But you still disobeyed me,” he said, all warmth gone from his voice, replaced by cold indifference that hurt more than anger.

Ezra didn’t say anything.  He couldn’t.  He desperately wanted to apologize, to say he knew what he did was wrong, and to swear to do better.  But the words wouldn’t come and he knew they wouldn’t help him.  Not that they should.  He’d known what would happen if he disobeyed his master and he’d chosen to do it anyway.  And then he’d chosen to lie about it.

So Ezra didn’t resist as shocks tore through him and blows landed on his body.  He pushed down his instincts to fight back, instincts Maul himself had instilled in him over the years.  This wasn’t a fight, it was a punishment, and trying to defend himself would only make it worse.

It was just before the -- seventh? eighth? he couldn’t count anymore -- shock would have hit him that Ezra found his voice again.  He saw the stunner move toward his chest and instinctively curled in on himself.

“No,” he muttered, looking up at Maul.  “Master, please.  Please don’t.”

He braced himself, knowing his words wouldn’t save him and knowing that by begging for mercy, he only ensured himself more pain.  But nothing happened.

“Stand up,” Maul said.  Ezra tried to move, but his muscles were barely responding to his attempts.  Maul grabbed his arm and dragged him to his feet.

“Do not lie to me again,” he said.

“I won't,” Ezra said, his voice shaking.  “I promise, I won't.”

“Come with me,” Maul said, his grip on Ezra’s arm tightening.

Ezra stumbled as his master led him down a corridor.  The room he pulled Ezra into had been a medbay when this had been a Death Watch base years ago.

“Sit,” he said as they entered the room.  He released his grip on Ezra and turned away from him.

Ezra obeyed, sitting down on one of the stretchers.  Maul turned back to him a moment later, holding bandages he’d taken from a medkit.  He lifted Ezra’s shirt, revealing the shallow, blackened wound from Ezra’s lightsaber.  Ezra twitched, knowing this was going to hurt.

“Hold still,” Maul said, all trace of anger gone from his voice.

Ezra forced himself to stay still and quiet as his master bandaged the wounds.  Ezra could have done it himself, and he did take care of most of his injuries on his own, but sometimes Maul would help.  Ezra wondered if it was due to guilt.  If it was, his master never said anything about it.

“I shouldn’t have lied,” Ezra said once the bandages were securely in place, the antiseptic burning at his wound.  And he meant it.  It wasn’t just a way to try and make the pain stop this time.  “I shouldn’t have let the Jedi go.”

Maul said nothing.

“I'm sorry,” Ezra muttered again.

“I know,” Maul said.  He paused for a moment.  “You never lied to me before,” he said.

It was true.  In almost six years, Ezra had never lied to his master since that first day they’d met.  And it wasn’t just because Ezra had always known the punishment for lying to Maul would be severe.  He’d never felt the need to lie to his master.  He’d never  _wanted_  to.

“I failed you,” Ezra said.  “I didn’t want you to know.  I didn’t want --” _Didn’t want you disappoint you.  Didn’t want to give you a reason to abandon me._   “I don’t know.”

“Tell me the truth, Ezra,” Maul said.  “When the Jedi told you to go with him, did you consider it?”

Ezra hesitated, realizing he didn’t have an answer.  He might have thought about it, but he wasn’t even sure if he had.

“I need to know, Ezra.”  Maul almost sounded…worried?  That couldn’t be right.  The times he feared for Ezra’s safety were rare.  He knew Ezra could take care of himself.

“I don’t know,” Ezra said.  “Maybe for a second.  But I would never really do it.”

“And why is that?”

Ezra was sure the question was a test of some kind, but he didn’t know the right answer, so he gave the honest one.

“Because you -- because I owe you,” he said, keeping his eyes fixed on the floor in front of him.  “You took me in.  You’ve spent years training me, looking after me.  I couldn’t just leave.  He’s done nothing to earn my loyalty.  You have.”

Ezra felt Maul’s hand on his shoulder.  Ezra instinctively leaned into his touch, suddenly craving the warm, comforting feeling that was spreading through him.

“You made the right choice, Ezra,” he said.

“I know,” Ezra said.  But part of him couldn’t help but wonder if he really had.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: death (unnamed characters), child abuse

Kanan had had the feeling he would see Ezra again.  He just hadn’t expected it would be this soon.  It had barely been a week since the kid had found him on Lothal and now he had managed to track them to Dantooine.

The moment Kanan saw Ezra, he knew it would be different than the last time they’d met, and he was proven right seconds later when Ezra ignited his lightsaber and leapt at him.  Still, as Kanan ducked out of the way of the attack and drew his own weapon, he could tell something was off.  Ezra’s heart wasn’t in this.  He was doing it because he had to.

“Guess what I said didn’t really sink in,” he said.  Ezra said nothing, just raised his saber and lunged at Kanan again.  As Kanan blocked his strike, their lightsabers locking together, he saw Ezra’s face more clearly and saw a barely-healed bruise over the boy’s eye.

 _“Spectre Four to Spectre One,”_ Zeb’s voice said from his comm, “ _we’ve got troopers closing in.  Time to move.”_

Kanan couldn’t respond.  He was too busy deflecting another blow from the red blade.  He pushed through the Force, sending Ezra stumbling backward.  Kanan lowered his weapon and switched the blue blade off.

“I'm not gonna fight a kid,” he said.

“Great,” Ezra said.  “Makes my job easier.”

Something slammed into Kanan, throwing him back into a nearby boulder.  The impact was had enough that his lightsaber fell from his hand.  Ezra raised his lightsaber, but before he could strike the killing blow, Kanan saw him freeze for just a second, his grip on the saber’s hilt tightening, his hand shaking.  Kanan slowly stood up.  Ezra lowered his weapon slightly.  He looked like he was about to say something, but he couldn’t get the words out.  But he didn’t have to.  Kanan could feel it through the Force.  Desperation.  Fear.  Anger.

“Look, kid --” Kanan was barely able to get the words out before a short burst of blue light filled the air and Ezra collapsed to the ground.  Sabine and Zeb stood behind him, Sabine with her blaster drawn.  She’d fired the shot that had stunned Ezra.

“Let’s go!” Sabine shouted.  Kanan looked down for a moment at the unconscious boy at his feet.

“Kanan!” Sabine shouted.

Kanan had to act fast and he didn’t have time to think.  He ran to Sabine and Zeb and the three of them made their escape, leaving Ezra behind.

Kanan spared one look back.  There were stormtroopers closing in, but there wasn’t enough time to go back for Ezra.  He’d wake up quickly and still have a chance to escape.  At least, Kanan hoped he would.

* * *

 

Ezra’s head was spinning as he sat up slowly.  He could smell something in the air -- a blaster had recently been fired.  As he sat up, he looked around and saw, lying in the grass around him, bodies.  Stormtroopers, their armor all bearing the scorch marks of a lightsaber.  Ezra’s eyes widened at the sight of the bodies.  He couldn’t have done this, could he?  He would remember.

He sensed a shift in the air, like the temperature had suddenly dropped.  It wasn’t just any cold.  It was  _alive._   It was familiar.

Ezra pushed himself up onto one knee and bowed his head as his master approached.

“This is becoming a problem, Ezra,” he said, his voice colder than Ezra had ever heard it.

“Master, I --” Ezra’s voice was cut off as his throat constricted under an unseen grip.

“Do not speak,” Maul said.  “You have had three opportunities to kill this Jedi and you have failed every single time.”

He released his grip on Ezra’s throat and Ezra gasped as air flooded back into his lungs.

“I'm beginning to wonder if I should be questioning your loyalty.”

“No!” Ezra said, then quickly stopped himself before he could say another word.  Still, his mind flashed back to the moment he could have killed Kanan and didn’t.  Hadn’t that hesitation been a betrayal of his master?

“Sending you after the Jedi was a mistake,” Maul said.  “You weren’t ready.  I see that now.”

Ezra didn't dare to say anything, but Maul could sense his regret and shame.  For a moment, Maul felt genuinely sorry for the boy.  He remembered all too well the pain of knowing he’d let his own master down.

“I’ll just have to deal with him myself,” he said.

The speed with which Ezra looked up and the way his eyes widened just slightly told Maul everything he needed to know.  Ezra may not have truly abandoned his path yet, but he didn’t want this Jedi to die.

“Master,” Ezra said hesitantly, “give me one more chance.  Please.  I won't fail you again.”

Maul stared down at Ezra, who was looking back up at him, a silent plea in his blue eyes.

“This will be your final chance, Ezra,” he said.  “If you fail me again, there will be  _severe_  consequences.”

“I understand, Master,” Ezra said, his voice shaking.

“I know you do,” Maul said.  “Go.  You have three days before I take matters into my own hands.”

As Ezra rose and walked away, Maul watched him go.  He knew the boy would lead him straight to his prey.  And soon enough, this Jedi would learn it was a mistake to come after his apprentice.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for: child abuse

By the time Ezra reached Lothal, night had fallen on the planet.  It didn’t take him long to track down the rebels, almost as if something was drawing him to them.

Kanan stood alone, away from the ship, as if he’d known Ezra was coming and was waiting for him.  His lightsaber was held loosely in his hand.

“What's it going to be, kid?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Ezra said, his voice quiet.  He felt something tighten in his chest.  He didn’t know what to do.  All he knew was that he didn’t want to kill Kanan and that he couldn’t fail his master again.

Kanan took a step toward Ezra.

“Your master do that to you?” he asked, gesturing to a clearly-visible bruise on Ezra’s face.  Ezra nodded, not able to make himself say anything.

“Ezra, don’t go back,” Kanan said.  “I know you don’t want this.  Just come with me.”

“I can’t,” Ezra said.  “You -- you don’t understand.”

“I understand you're afraid of him,” Kanan said.  “But I can keep you safe.  He won't be able to hurt you again.”

“I --” Ezra didn’t know what he could say.

“Do you want to kill me, Ezra?” Kanan asked him.  Ezra shook his head.

“And what happens if you go back to your master without doing it?”

Ezra didn’t answer.  He knew he didn’t have to.  If he went back, his master might not kill him, but Ezra knew he would end up wishing he had.

“And if you kill me, will that stop him from hurting you again?”

Again, Ezra gave no response.  His heart hammered in his chest.  He felt like he was drowning in his own fear and uncertainty.  He had to make a choice, and he had to make it  _now._

Just as Ezra was about to speak, he felt a biting, icy cold settle over him.  His voice died in his throat and his heart beat even faster as he recognized it.  Slowly, he turned around to see Maul emerging from the shadows.

“Good work, apprentice,” he said with a smile.  “I knew I could count on you to draw the Jedi out.”

“No!” Ezra said frantically, looking back over his shoulder at Kanan.  “I didn’t know he was here!  I swear!”

He saw Kanan’s grip tighten on his lightsaber, his eyes narrowing.

“Get out of the way, Ezra,” Maul said, drawing his own lightsaber and taking a step toward him.

“No,” Ezra said, taking a step backward.  “Master, listen, please.  They're fighting against the Empire, just like we are.  We don’t have to be enemies.  We don’t --”

Ezra’s voice was cut off as something as Maul struck through the Force, knocking him to the ground.

“You shouldn't have come after my apprentice, Jedi,” Maul said.  He ignited his lightsaber and leapt at Kanan.

Ezra acted almost before he realized he’d decided to.  He jumped to his feet, activating his own saber and throwing himself between Maul and Kanan.  He caught Maul’s blade on his own and froze as he realized what he’d just done.

Ezra could feel Maul’s disbelief at his actions, but he quickly put his shock aside and took advantage of Ezra’s hesitation, breaking off his attack and bringing his saber down.  Ezra stumbled backward just in time to avoid the worst of the blow, but the blade slashed across his forearm.  Ezra managed to keep his grip on his lightsaber, but before he could do anything else, Maul grabbed his arm and drove his fist into Ezra’s stomach twice.  As Ezra doubled over, he felt Maul’s elbow slam into his back, driving him to his knees.

He felt his master’s hand close around his throat, gripping it tight, cutting of his breath.  Ezra dropped his weapon and clawed at the hand around his neck.

“I’ll deal with you later,” Maul hissed, his bright yellow eyes burning with rage.

Just as his grip on Ezra’s throat loosened, something slammed into Maul.  Ezra saw the charred mark of a blaster bolt in his master’s chest.  Another bolt hit him, and another.  Maul barely reacted, simply releasing his grip on Ezra and turning his gaze to Kanan.

“This,” he growled, “is not over.”

Maul retreated, fading back into the shadows.  Kanan ran to Ezra’s side, crouching down beside him.

“Are you alright?” he asked.  Ezra nodded.

“Ezra,” he said, putting a hand on Ezra’s arm.  Ezra flinched at the touch.

As Kanan helped him to his feet, Ezra barely realized he was even moving.  He hesitated before following Kanan, looking back in the direction Maul had disappeared, still reeling from what had just happened.  He wanted to say  _something_ , but he couldn’t, and he wasn’t sure what he would say anyway.

“If you want to come with me, you can,” Kanan said.  Ezra nodded slowly.

“Come on,” Kanan said, putting his hand on Ezra’s shoulder.  “It’ll be okay.”

Ezra just nodded again and let Kanan guide him away toward the ship in the distance.


	9. Chapter 9

Hera heard footsteps in the cargo bay and ran out of the cockpit to see for herself that Kanan was okay.  They’d argued when he’d left earlier, with her telling him it was a bad idea to go alone and him saying he didn’t want to drag them into this in case it ended badly.  Eventually, she’d relented when he told her it had to be him alone or the kid wasn't going to feel like he had a choice.

Hera leaned over the railing and saw Kanan leading a young boy through the cargo bay.  Kanan looked fine, but the boy didn’t.  Even from this far away, Hera could see bruises on his face, some of them fresh, some partially healed.  Kanan looked up and their eyes met, a brief moment of understanding passing between them.

“Wait here,” she heard Kanan say.  The boy nodded.

Kanan ascended the ladder and, without needing to talk about it, they both retreated to the cockpit, closing the door behind them.

“First off, is he okay?” she asked.

“Physically, anyway,” Kanan said.  “Mostly.”

“Good.”

“Look,” he said.  “I know you’ve been suspicious of this from the start.  And maybe you're right.  Maybe this is all a mistake, but you saw him, Hera.  We can't send him back to that monster, and we can't just leave him on his own.”

“Kanan,” she said, taking her friend’s hand, “you don’t have to convince me.”

Hera stopped before saying anything else.  She stepped over to the door and opened it, revealing Sabine and Zeb just outside of it.

“If you two have anything to say about this, I guess now’s the time,” she said.

“I don’t trust him,” Sabine said as she and Zeb walked through the door.

“You don’t have to,” Hera told her.  “But he’s here now.”

Seeing the stubborn looks on Sabine and Zeb’s faces, she sighed and glanced over at Kanan.

“Look,” she said, turning back to her other two crewmates, “all we’re asking is that you treat him like a member of the team instead of an enemy.”

“Are we forgetting about the fact that he tried to kill Kanan three times already?” Zeb asked.

“Of course not,” Kanan said.  “But he didn’t have a choice.  He’s a kid.  He’s hurt, he’s scared, and he has nowhere else to go.  Right now, we’re all he’s got.”

Kanan saw something dark flash in Sabine’s eyes and it hit him just how little he knew about the history of the girl who, not long ago, had also been a scared, hurt kid with no other options.  That look was gone in a second and her eyes softened just a little, a change so subtle, anyone who didn’t know her probably wouldn’t even have noticed.

“This is really happening, isn’t it?” Zeb asked.

“It is,” Hera said.

“And we don’t really have a choice, do we?” Sabine said.

“It’s not like that,” Hera said.  “Just…give him a chance, alright?”

Sabine nodded and a second later, Zeb did, too.

“I know you both think this is bad idea,” Kanan said.  “But if you can't trust him, I'm asking you to at least trust me.  I wouldn’t do this if I thought it would get any of you hurt.”

“You know I trust you,” Zeb told him.

Sabine hesitated for a second before saying “me, too.”

“Guess you should go talk to him,” Hera said as the two other members of their crew left the cockpit.  “Really talk to him.”

“Yeah,” Kanan said.  “Medkit first.”

“I thought you said he was okay,” Hera said.

“I said mostly,” Kanan corrected her.  “He will be okay.  Eventually.”

“I hope so,” Hera said.

* * *

 

Ezra stood in a corner of the cargo bay, trying not to think about the conversation that was probably going on.  He heard a door slide open somewhere above him and a moment later, the teenage girl with blue and gold hair who he’d seen before climbed down the ladder and walked toward him.

“So,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.  “Kanan and Hera said you're saying with us for a while.”

“I guess so,” Ezra said.  “Look, I know you don’t --”

“Doesn’t matter,” she said.  “They say it’s happening, then it’s happening.”

Neither of them said anything for a moment.  Ezra saw her gaze soften just a little.  He was suddenly painfully aware of his bruises and his chest burned with shame as he realized just how pitiful he must look to her.

“Your name’s Ezra, right?” she asked.  He nodded.

“Well, Ezra,” she said it like she was testing out his name.  “They're good people.  Kanan and Hera, I mean.  They’ll look out for you.”

Ezra wasn’t sure what to say to that.  It wasn’t like hadn’t heard something similar before.  The girl smiled at him.

“My name’s Sabine,” she said.  “You’ll be okay here, kid.  Really.”

* * *

 

When Kanan reentered the cargo bay, he saw Sabine walking away from Ezra.  He couldn’t help but wonder what she’s said to him.  He knew Sabine didn’t trust people easily, and she wasn’t usually shy about letting people know that.

As he approached Ezra, Kanan cracked the synthetic ice pack he’d taken from the medkit.

“This’ll help with the bruises,” he said, holding it out to Ezra.  He took it without looking at Kanan and held it against a bruise that had formed on his neck.

“Look,” Kanan said, choosing every word carefully.  “I know there’s probably nothing I can say to make this better, but you’ll be safe here.  You never have to go back.”

Kanan wasn’t about to say what he was really thinking, that there was no way he would  _let_  Ezra go back.

“I meant what I said before,” Kanan continued.  “That you could have been a Jedi.  And I’ll teach you, if that’s what you want.”

“It is,” Ezra said immediately.

“You don’t have to decide anything right now,” Kanan told him.

“I know…Master,” Ezra said.

It took every scrap of willpower Kanan had not to flinch at the word.  It only reminded him just how unprepared and unqualified he was to teach anyone.  Not to mention he'd seen Ezra's fear of his old master firsthand.  He didn't want Ezra to have any reason to think Kanan was like him.

“Ezra,” he said, “use my name.  Or at least try to, okay?”

Ezra nodded.

“It’s okay if it’s hard for you,” Kanan said, having no idea if it was even the right thing to say.  It was starting to hit him that he was entering completely uncharted territory.  He smiled briefly, trying to push past the awkwardness of the past few seconds.

“Come on,” he said.  “Let’s get you settled in.”

“Kanan,” Ezra said, the words not coming out easily.  “Thank you.  For helping me.”

“Thanks for not killing me,” Kanan said with a smile.  “That was a joke,” he added when Ezra didn’t react.  “Kind of.”

Ezra caught himself actually smiling a little, if only for a second.  “You're welcome,” he said.

As Kanan led the way out of the cargo bay, he looked back at the new addition to the crew.

“Welcome to the  _Ghost_ , Ezra,” he said.


End file.
